Baby or Non-Baby?

I read an interesting article on Yahoo today about how some businesses are catering to the kid-free crowd by banning kids from certain sections of some establishments and how this "kid-free" crowd could be the new niche market for travel industries.

Malaysia Airlines banned babies from many first class flights, some movie theaters only allow children under the age of 6 on "baby days," and McDain's restaurant in Pittsburgh banned children under 6 altogether. As you can imagine, this new practice is rather controversial.

However, it may come as no surprise to you that I am totally on board with this idea. If I had money, I'd offer a little bit extra to be in first class if I knew it would only be occupied by people who weren't going to pee their pants (hopefully). There are designated play areas for children, there should be designated "play areas" for adults as well. I would certainly get some stares if I ran onto the playground, commandeered the yellow twisty slide, and hurled fistfuls of sand at passersby. Why is it any more acceptable that toddlers hurl fistfuls of spaghetti noodles at unsuspecting adults in dining establishments? I know, I know--adults should know better than to throw sand at strangers. Well, toddlers should be learning this too.

Nothing ruins a quiet, romantic evening out like some diaper-bottomed Napoleon with his bread stick bayonette and mustache of strained peas.

Or the incessant vibrations of tiny, overpriced baby shoes kicking the back of your seat in a theater. And you just know those Sour Patch Kids are going to end up in your hair.

One of the reasons I do not want children of my own is because I have less than zero patience for loud, sticky, persistent misbehavior. So the thought of paying good money to endure this from children (whom I have no authority to reprimand) is enough to make me stay home and bite the bullet of the Netflix price increase.

Now, I'm not saying that babies should never be allowed anywhere. That's absurd and unfair. And even someone like me can acknowledge that, occasionally, children are cute. (There was this little boy--maybe 7--at Blue Man Group a few rows behind us and he had the most adorable and genuine, heart-felt belly laugh whenever they did something remotely snicker-worthy. So cute, but even that got old after an hour...) I'm just saying that, I wouldn't mind if my movie theater offered certain "adult-only" showings of popular movies. Or if restaurants offered "baby" and "non-baby" sections so patrons can decide whether or not they want to endure second-hand baby with their dinner. It's not like they're banning toddlers from Disney World. And, if we're all being honest, are Mom and Dad really enjoying each other's company when Junior won't stop sticking vegetables up his nose?

Check out a hilarious article about this new practice by TIME Magazine writer (and father) Joel Stein: "Baby on Board"