You Ate WHAT?!

While writing my previous post I stumbled across an article entitled "Oh. Wow. Turning placenta into pills for new moms [video]" The part that most terrified me was "[video]." My god...what terrors might be in store for me... But I knew I had to write about this bizarre practice on my blog, so, all for the sake of journalism (blogism?).

Well, I had no idea. The terrors are boundless. There is no end to the traumatizing information available online regarding the ingestion of placenta. Did you know there is actually a term for it? "Placentophagy: the act of mammals eating the placenta of their young after childbirth." However, the picture on the Wikipedia page is a goat. Not a human.

The links that I turned up by simply searching for "eating placenta" were mind-boggling.

Now, if I separate the science part of my brain (however small) from the part of my brain that contains emotions and reactions, I can admit that this is somewhat fascinating. The fact that whatever is contained in that goopy mass of cells could be some sort of magical elixir to ward off postpartum depression, stimulate mammary glands, and contribute to the overall health of a mother after giving birth is pretty incredible.

That said, take a freaking vitamin! Don't bake placenta loaf--good god! If scientists can harness the power of the sun and offer us a tasty little vitamin D tablet, I'm sure they can figure out some sort of post-natal vitamin that is much more palatable.

And, like the writer of the initial article I encountered said, "be forewarned: Once you see a real, live cooked placenta, you cannot unknow it." Needless to say, this did not get me any more excited about viewing the video... But, there's a blog to write, so I press on.

I think the only thing that got me through this experience was the fact that the writer of my main source, Placenta, It's What's For Dinner was hilarious. (Thank you Joel Stein and Time Magazine) And every bit as skeptical and creeped out as I was. I should have just stayed with this article because in an article on momlogic.com, I encountered a super disturbing quote: "It's a good 6 lbs of meat that's just chock full of lingering blood, vitamins, and hormones that can still in part be transferred upon eating."

I'm not sure which part of that was worse for me. The word "meat" or the word "lingering." *shudder*

Long story short, this is just another reason I plan to keep my uterus baby-free. I do not want to be infected with whatever crazy hormone it is that causes women to fry up their own organs and eat them with noodles (Yeah, that happened. I saw the picture. My gag reflex is still going...)

Here are the links that traumatized me, in the event that you would like to know more about this strange phenomenon. But remember, curiosity killed the appetite.

Links about placenta eating and such

Placenta, It's What's For Dinner

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1908442,00.html

"I Ate My Baby's Placenta"

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/04/i_ate_the_placenta.php

including this disturbing quote:

"It's a good 6 lbs of meat that's just chock full of lingering blood, vitamins, and hormones that can still in part be transferred upon eating"

"Five Things You Never Thought to Do With Placenta"

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/five-things-you-never-thought-to-do-with-placenta-147572/;_ylt=AquU9L_X4FrrlbgSL_ZtVGN8bqU5

Oh. Wow. Turning Placenta Into Pills

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/oh-wow-turning-placenta-into-pills-for-new-moms-video-2514761/;_ylt=AqogYvySBZz7QzNLvWsooR58bqU5

Baby or Non-Baby?

I read an interesting article on Yahoo today about how some businesses are catering to the kid-free crowd by banning kids from certain sections of some establishments and how this "kid-free" crowd could be the new niche market for travel industries.

Malaysia Airlines banned babies from many first class flights, some movie theaters only allow children under the age of 6 on "baby days," and McDain's restaurant in Pittsburgh banned children under 6 altogether. As you can imagine, this new practice is rather controversial.

However, it may come as no surprise to you that I am totally on board with this idea. If I had money, I'd offer a little bit extra to be in first class if I knew it would only be occupied by people who weren't going to pee their pants (hopefully). There are designated play areas for children, there should be designated "play areas" for adults as well. I would certainly get some stares if I ran onto the playground, commandeered the yellow twisty slide, and hurled fistfuls of sand at passersby. Why is it any more acceptable that toddlers hurl fistfuls of spaghetti noodles at unsuspecting adults in dining establishments? I know, I know--adults should know better than to throw sand at strangers. Well, toddlers should be learning this too.

Nothing ruins a quiet, romantic evening out like some diaper-bottomed Napoleon with his bread stick bayonette and mustache of strained peas.

Or the incessant vibrations of tiny, overpriced baby shoes kicking the back of your seat in a theater. And you just know those Sour Patch Kids are going to end up in your hair.

One of the reasons I do not want children of my own is because I have less than zero patience for loud, sticky, persistent misbehavior. So the thought of paying good money to endure this from children (whom I have no authority to reprimand) is enough to make me stay home and bite the bullet of the Netflix price increase.

Now, I'm not saying that babies should never be allowed anywhere. That's absurd and unfair. And even someone like me can acknowledge that, occasionally, children are cute. (There was this little boy--maybe 7--at Blue Man Group a few rows behind us and he had the most adorable and genuine, heart-felt belly laugh whenever they did something remotely snicker-worthy. So cute, but even that got old after an hour...) I'm just saying that, I wouldn't mind if my movie theater offered certain "adult-only" showings of popular movies. Or if restaurants offered "baby" and "non-baby" sections so patrons can decide whether or not they want to endure second-hand baby with their dinner. It's not like they're banning toddlers from Disney World. And, if we're all being honest, are Mom and Dad really enjoying each other's company when Junior won't stop sticking vegetables up his nose?

Check out a hilarious article about this new practice by TIME Magazine writer (and father) Joel Stein: "Baby on Board"