The Invasion of Your Dance Space

Quote from an applicable episode of Friends:

Parker (Alec Baldwin guest stars): Rachel, Rachel, look how you glow. May I? (placing his hands on her pregnant stomach)

Rachel: Uh, I think you already are...

Parker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous than, oh, a picture of a dog! Whose is this?


What is it about pregnancy that gives people the green light to touch strangers? To stand in the produce section at the grocery store and approach a poor shopper as though she were a ripening melon. You are not shopping for fruit salad ingredients. You're touching a human. With a brain and boundaries. If you have the urge to squeeze something, try the tomatoes.

Never forget what your kindergarten teacher told you, kids: "Keep your hands to yourself." Don't be afraid to sit on them if you have to.

Reason #1: The Impossibility of Strollers

The other day I was on the bus and there was a woman with her baby in a stroller that was sandwiched in the middle of the mayhem. I don't know how she got so far back on the bus, but when she got off everyone had to pile off the bus onto the cold street corner so she could fit through. I nearly sat on the bus driver's lap trying to make myself small so she could fit by. The bus driver saw the hold-up and asked me "She got a stroller back there?" I sighed, "Yeah" and the driver just rolled her eyes. The mother with the stroller didn't look too thrilled either.

See? Nobody wants a stroller on a bus.